


local teens hate life, prefer video games

by HeartBandages, orphan_account



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Aromantic Asexual Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Chatlogs, Demiboy Axel | Lea (Kingdom Hearts), F/F, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Multi, No Incest, Nonbinary Xion (Kingdom Hearts), POV Alternating, Platonic Flirting, Roxas and Sora Are Siblings (Kingdom Hearts), Roxas and Ventus Are Siblings (Kingdom Hearts), Roxas and Xion Are Siblings (Kingdom Hearts), Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, Sora and Vanitas Are Siblings (Kingdom Hearts), Sora and Xion Are Siblings (Kingdom Hearts), Swearing, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Trans Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas & Ventus Are Siblings (Kingdom Hearts), ansem the wise can go rot in hell, don't drink and drive kids, everyone is 16-19, how do all of these family issues keep turning up in the drafts for this, let them be dumb, platonic uses of babe, romantic uses of bro, shitty parenting, sorry my hyperfixation died, they're teenagers, ugh theres too many tags- the hearts squad are all siblings, you can pry trans naminé from my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26793139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartBandages/pseuds/HeartBandages, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: riku: apparentlythisis the place rei invited me too last weekYou: oof- tough break i guessYou: was this his “master plan” to get u a dateriku: yepYou: your dating life is screwed, dead before it even startedriku: fuck off[Permanent Hiatus]{HeartBandages as beta reader/editor}
Relationships: Axel & Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Axel/Zexion (Kingdom Hearts), Ienzo/Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi/Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Lea & Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Riku & Riku Replica (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Roxas & Sora & Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Roxas & Vanitas & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	1. Roxas’ Phone

**Author's Note:**

> this has been a wild ride of anxiety from finishing this chapter to posting-
> 
> uh, hi  
> no idea if i will continue this, (though i guess if this gets any attention i have like one more chapter already written?) but here you go internet, here's my dumb fic
> 
> i hope you enjoy(?)

_riku sent a video - 9:16 PM_

_Video description:_

「A silver-haired boy is sitting on a porch with his head in one hand, the other holding his phone. Behind him is a house filled with people, loud music and disorganized shouting spills out from the open windows. Littering the porch the boy is sitting on are beer cans, glass bottles, and plastic cups. The video holds the single shot for a few seconds before it ends.」

_riku: apparently_ this _is the place ren invited me too last week_

_You: oof- tough break i guess_

_You: was this his “master plan” to get u a date_

_riku: yep_

_You: your dating life is screwed, dead before it even started_

_riku: fuck off_

_(_ 1 new message - 9:23 PM

idiot: what new colours shoul…)

_idiot: what new colours should i get tmmrw? I was thinking blue and green but idk_

_You: i do not care_

_You: go ask your bf or whatever_

_idiot: :(_

_You: >:) _

_You: you free tomorrow?_

_firefuck: hell ye_

_You: meet at the clock tower?_

(1 new message - 9:31 PM

lesbian: Lea just franticly text…)

_lesbian: Lea just franticly texted me, screaming about “something something gay panic”. What did you do?_

_You: chill nami- i just asked if he was free tomorrow_

_You: doubt it was even me who sent him spiralling_

_lesbian: Have you talked about this with xion yet?_

_lesbian: Don’t answer that, I’ll ask myself._

_You: knock yourself out_

(1 new message - 9:45 PM

an angel: were you just no...)

_an angel: were you just not going to invite me, your own sibling, out with you guys_

_an angel: rude_

_You: Xi that was not my plan in any way_

_an angel: bull_

_You: rude_

_an angel: nah it’s chill_

_an angel: go hang with your bf- i’ll chill with sora + the gang_

_an angel: we’ll get our nails done_

_You: hey!_

_You: not fair_

_an angel: i’ll do your nails after and u can tell me what happened_

_You:_

_You: deal_

_You: also he’s not my bf_

_an angel: yet_

_You: shut up he’s into isa or some shit_

(1 new message - 9:52 PM 

firefuck: ye sure- i’ll see you ther…)

_an angel: yeah and i’m cis_

_You: uh-huh_

_You: doesn’t matter anyway since i’m not into anyone_

_an angel: oh nice_

(1 new message- 9:53 PM

riku sent a photo)

_Image description:_

「A poorly lit image of another silver-haired boy mid-step as he seemingly staggers his way down the street. The boy is being photographed through a windshield of a car who’s headlamps are on.」

_riku: he might have had a little too much to drink_

_You: are you in his car?_

_riku: he’s at least accepting that he can’t drive- he’s "looking for a bus stop"_

_You: steal his car_

_riku: i’m driving him home (maybe) then i’ll steal his keys_

_You: nice_

_firefuck: ye sure- i’ll see you there at 1-ish_

_You: kk_

_firefuck: bring ur boyfriend and/or siblings next time_

_You: riku’s not my boyfriend_

_firefuck: never said anything about riku_

_You: shut your fuck or i’m not coming_

_firefuck: ;)_

_You: ew_

_firefuck: ;) ;) ;)_

_You: blocked, reported_

_firefuck: ur no fun_

_You:_ 🖕

_firefuck: love u too babe_

_You: i am going to murder you_

_firefuck: rude_

_firefuck: at least tell ienzo that i give him my will once i’m dead_

_You: i’m not passing along messages to your crush for you_

_firefuck: ur an ass_

_You: :)_

_You: goodnight axel_

_firefuck: night ~roxie~_

(2 new messages - 9:58

how can u see: help

how can u see: i got myself a date somehow…)

_how can u see: help_

_how can u see: i got myself a date somehow and i don’t know how to cope???_

_You: did he ask or you?_

_how can u see: me_

_You: well that explains a lot_

_You: look izzy_

_how can u see: don’t call me that_

_You: lea accepted, he likes you back- calm down, breathe_

_how can u see: but rox what if he’s just stringing me along, i know he’s too good for me_

_You: you need to spend less time with your dad_

_You: but seriously, he likes you a lot. even when i didn’t know it was you he was talking about, i could tell you meant a lot to lea. everything is going to be ok, ok?_

(1 new message - 10:49 PM

riku: keys successfully stolen- nigh...)

_You: ienzo?_

_how can u see: goodnight roxas_

_You: oh- gn_

_You: i’ll talk to you tomorrow_

_how can u see: yeah, sure_

_riku: keys successfully stolen- night rox_

_You: you’re picking me up tomorrow + we’re taking ienzo out_

_riku: to... murder him?_

_You: no you idiot_

_You: to the arcade_

_riku: k_

_riku: be by at 10 so we can get there when it’s cheapest_

_You: u better be_


	2. Sora's Phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> riku!!!! ❤️: got ur car asshole
> 
> riku!!!! ❤️: shit wrong person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh- this should have been out sooner

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ sent a photo - 10:24 AM _

_ Image description: _

(A blond boy whose hair is purposefully styled like his bedhead is flipping off the camera, tongue sticking out of his mouth. A blur that looks vaguely like a hand is careening towards the first boy, only a few centimetres away from blond’s face. [A flash of silver is also visible on the side of the screen.] A third boy can be seen in the background, hair swept over one eye, leaning against an expensive looking car as he glares down at his phone.)

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : got ur car asshole _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : shit wrong person _

_ You: rox. did- did u steal riku’s phone? _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : the ito siblings are fighting a losing battle today _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : tho technically ku stole ren’s car _

_ You: WHaT _

_ You: u STOLE HIS CAR _

_ You: ur dead _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : not me, riku _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : /i/ didn’t actualiuduhie _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : your brother is a pest _

_ You: riku! _

_ You: did u really punch rox tho _

_ You: also- YOU STOLE A CAR _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : hhhhhhhhhh _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : bye _

_ You: riku don’t u dare! _

_ You: riku!!!! _

_ You: riku stop ignoring meeeeeeeeeeeeee _

_ You: honestly tho- did u punch him _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : would you be mad if i said yesc _

_ You: honestly? nah _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : ok then yes i did _

_ You: good _

_ You: he deserved it _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : i’m…. not gonna pry into that _

_ You: porbably for the best _

(1 new message - 10:57 AM

_ evil (older) clone: _ : oi loser- stop te…)

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : porbably? _

(1 new message - 10:58 AM

_ evil (older) clone: _ : sora i swear to god…)

_ You: ugh u know what i mean _

(1 new message - 10:59 AM

_ evil (older) clone: _ stop sexting ku and…)

_ You: anyways van is spamming me so i gotta go _

_ You: have fun w/ ienzo + rox _

_ riku!!!!  _ ❤️ _ : porbably won’t but thanks _

_ You: >:( _

_ evil (older) clone: oi loser- stop texting your boyfriend already i’m here _

_ evil (older) clone: sora i swear to god- let me in _

_ evil (older) clone: stop sexting ku and open the door already _

_ evil (older) clone: i swear to fucking god you asshole- it’s freezing out here, open the goddamn door or i will strangle you _

_ You: tempted to leave you out there since you accused me of sexting my best friend _

_ evil (older) clone: next thing you’ll tell me is that ku isn’t ur boyfriend _

_ You: he’s not???? _

_ evil (older) clone: r i g h t _

_ evil (older) clone: btw does kairi get a heart in her contact name yet- or is it still just ku? _

_ You: i’m leaving the door locked _

_ evil (older) clone: well that just answers my question doesn’t it _

_ evil (older) clone: also dad still doesn’t lock the windows so see u in a sec _

_ You: van don’T YOU DARE BREAK THE WINDOW _

_ evil (older) clone: open the fucking door then _

_ You: ugh fine _

_ You: i am telling dad u threatened to break the windows tho _

_ evil (older) clone: i fear no man _

_ evil (older) clone: i mention sephiroth at family gatherings _

_ You: hhhh _

_ You: don’t remind me _

_ evil (older) clone: i will if you continue to NOT OPEN THE DOOR YOU ASSHOLE _

_ You: geez have a speck of patience would u _

_ evil (older) clone: fuck you _

_ You: VAN I UNLOCKED THE DOOR WHY DID I JUST HEAR THE WINDOW BREAK _

_ evil (older) clone: wasn’t me _

_ evil (older) clone: cat probably _

_ You: just come inside already _

_ You: hey uhhhh xion? _

_ the one who got the good genes: what did u do _

_ You: what? i didn’t do anything _

_ the one who got the good genes: what did vani do _

_ You: nothing? _

_ the one who got the good genes: sora _

_ You: uhhhhh _

_ the one who got the good genes: Sora _

_ You: UHHHHHH _

_ the one who got the good genes: Sora. _

_ You: thebackwindowgotbrokenandthere’sglassinmom’splantbox _

_ the one who got the good genes: and i take it van was the one to throw the ball this time? _

_ You: not… technically? _

_ the one who got the good genes: do tell _

_ You: so there’s that kid who owns a racoon who lives behind us… and uh _

_ the one who got the good genes: let me get this straight _

_ You: hah _

_ the one who got the good genes: a  _ racoon _ broke the window? _

_ You: yeah? _

_ the one who got the good genes: so how exactly is van related to this _

_ You: he uh… might have been the one to piss off the racoon on his way over? _

_ the one who got the good genes: o f c o u r s e _

_ You: i’ll go tell him to hide _

_ baby child: why did i just hear vani slam the door shut and hide in the basement? _

_ You: xi’s out for his blood _

_ baby child: ah _

_ You: btw are u free _

_ baby child: why _

_ baby child: what did u do _

_ You: why does everyone keep assuming i did something? it’s rox who stole a car this morning! _

_ baby child: i’m sorry rox did what _

_ You: nothing _

_ You: autocorrect _

_ baby child: autocorrect made you say that roxas stole a car _

_ You: yep! weird huh hahaha _

_ baby child: and uh, what did it autocorrect from, for science _

_ You: uh- it’s rox who stole a cup this morning? _

_ baby child: right... i’m telling xi _

_ You: you can’t! _

_ baby child: why not? _

_ You: cause it’s _

_ You: y’know it’s _

_ You: it’s ren’s car? _

_ baby child: oh _

_ baby child: oooohhh _

_ baby child: i didn’t hear a thing _

_ baby child: but this won’t stop me from selling out van to xi _

_ You: fair- i value my life too _


End file.
